Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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