i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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