Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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