apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
