the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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