You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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