Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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