1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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