Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize