I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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