did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
