I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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