hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
