Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
