He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
