I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
