If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
