how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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