you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
