it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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