I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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