i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
