im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
