I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
