did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
