I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
