Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
