we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
