Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
