I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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