I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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