In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
