Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
