also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
