that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
