he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
