i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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