so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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