There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Randomize
