I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
