My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
