my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
