My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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