In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
