How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize