just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
