I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
