Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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