But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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