Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
