i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
