Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
