North Korea, Best Korea!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
