Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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