I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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