I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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