wat bout pragnant strippers??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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