When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
