"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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