It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
