Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
