Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
