I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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