friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
