Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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