I just saw a hot homeless man
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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