I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
