Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
