I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
