if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
