On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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