he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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