I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Randomize
