dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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