I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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