I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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